Hello beautiful beings! I’ve decided to view life as currently renewing. Clearing out the old, useless energy. I just did yoga for the first time in what seems like months. I’d been doing such daily until we were on our “dash out of bugs” and then sick on top of it. I really haven’t been having an easy mentality since leaving the east coast and a lot has happened. So I’ve had a lot to deal with mentally. I don’t even really remember how much I’ve shared about it which attests to my ongoing brain fog.
Today an alpaca baby was born on my mom’s ranch. He’s jet black and beautiful. The kids have been following the Paca’s around reporting once the baby started walking about and then also when Momma paca dropped her placenta. They also had me clean up the dead bird they found in the process. All good things. Not the death of the bird…..
I siliconed some spots in the bus and sealed a bunch with latex paint. The drivers seat is out so I can foam some transitions and then paint that area sealed. I was toying with building it out with some floor, but decided I really like the bare bones look. I might not even put linoleum over the rest of the floor either.
I did buy a trailer. It has a twin sized bed built in and a spot for another possible bed over the dinette. The stove works, though I suspect some propane leak. The faucet turned out to be a “sham” the bottom of it was completely empty and disconnected. I found the hose (as it’s a hand pump like I’ve been using in Bugus) under the sink area. I have found a spot where I’d put a battery to connect into the system where it at first looked like it was a reason the power wasn’t working. Turned out it was because I turned off the fuze box, so power does work. It also has some spots where it has had water damage but the lady we bought it from had done a lot of work sealing the ceiling up. I did do some sealing to the window she said seems to still have a problem, so I’m hopeful that that’s all it needed on that. I will be using my amazing latex sealing paint to make the water damaged area look nice(r) again. The closet is big enough for me to build a little toilet box into. On the 14th I’m getting a hitch receiver installed on Bugus! So all in all, I’m really hoping for the best. I figure, if I get this thing looking amazing I may sell it to get a cuter one…. but that’s to be determined as my mental health improves or plummets again.
With the sink in the trailer being a sham and a handpump at any rate I figure Bugus will be part wash house and work area. The new bus seat for the kids is out of Catie’s bus (that dang bolt was a tough nut!) and should be transfered over soon. I’ll put a table thing with it so the kids have work and dining area with their seats and a bench opposite for myself to utilize it as well. The kids will have the trailer and I’ll use it to cook in…. I think… depending on the propane leak situation, I guess. Obviously I still have a lot to think through and figure out.
The important thing is that we’ll have more room and will hopefully be bug free. I hope we’ll stay that way, too. The room will help the kiddos go after their crafting and make their school material way more oversight-ful and accessible. Workbook-mess no more!
I’ve had a few good therapy sessions. Though at one point it sounded like my therapist doesn’t think I’m troubled enough for her attention….? She told me to grieve the loss of my friendship but that all in all it seems like a farce for years now and that I was being blind to the situation because I’ve been seeing the good in the people I thought I had a friendship with, despite continuously having them expose me to people who’d proven that they don’t have my best interest at heart and “shielding” me from their true opinions because of their notion of what I can handle and what I can’t. My brother pointed out that they’d been doing a lot of virtue signaling while also being high and mighty on who has growth in their life.
I’m absolutely a modern day hooman who has a hard time sitting with their emotions. I’ve been blending it out to the point where, whilst doing yoga I started bawling. I’ve been focusing either on construction, house work, or turning off in electronic usage or having some drinks. Also doing a writers workshop and starting an audiobook called the artists way. I finished listening to Dracula by Bram Stoker and started Utopia. I got into rewarded game play and watched some Netflix (Bridgerton was a delightful show the first few episodes, the last few held my attention because of vested interest) I also started talking to a guy on a dating app. I feel my questions to him are on point to try and get to know him. Sadly there isn’t much reciprocation on asking questions, though he’s stated that he is interested… Maybe he’ll ask me on a date and we can see, but all in all I’m not willing to be the main negotiator or instigator as it denotes future effort I may not have energy for. He seems to really enjoy exploring his own answers for my questions and it makes me wonder how well he knows himself and therefore what he actually wants. I’m not a spirit guide, but he is nice and open minded which is super rare in this state. Republicans and Democrats are equally stuck in their perceived notion of how the world works. I, not being part of either party, don’t necessarily exempt myself from this statement, I just see a lot of hiding behind political arguments, so I haven’t even asked about such distinction of thoughts.
Today I do introspection work. I feel like doing a bit more yoga. Showering was nice too, maybe that helped clean my mind space and I should shower more often, which I do here vs. on the road, but maybe just get back into a self care groove would be good for me. I also need to get more spray foam and do my writing assignment. It’s been a hard nut on last weeks thing to the point where I haven’t moved on. It’s about work and all their questions seem capitalisticly centered and I’ve moved away from that narrative so I had a headscratching to reconfigure, but right this moment I feel a bit of confidence rising that I can reconfigure it to be a fulfilling task.
Anyway. I doubt these paragraphs made anyone smile but they did alleviate some pressure from my brain. I do hope you have reasons to smile and that you have a chance to share it.
I just wanna brag really quick that my kids are amazing and I’m entirely too strict with them. That second part wasn’t meant as bragging but more a realization that I can afford them more leeway and patience and they deserve lots and lots and lots of love.
I hope you have kindness in your heart, not only for yourself but others. I hope you can see that we all try our best each day.
Stay grateful
At this point, I must say that we do run on donations and I greatly appreciate your contributions. Every little bit helps and gets us to explore just a little more of this exciting world. I accept donations via CashApp: $MatildaBugus and paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/matildabugus
If you’d like to peek at our Amazon wishlist follow the link below. We really appreciate those special wants/wishes/deferred needs finding their way to us possibly via your help! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3LUAOP5L0M5FY?ref_=wl_share
We now have merchandise ready for you to order! Represent and support at the same time! We love these shirts and we love you! Check it out!
https://matildabugus.bigcartel.com
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Matilda the Bugus 