I’m starting this with the title empty which I haven’t done in a hot minute. I’m still in the same spot and pretty much at the same level and a higher level of frustration. I did get the tent of stuff to a high degree level hopefully eradicating any left over traces of bug-life.
Oryan decided to leave. He said he wasn’t capable of “building alone” which is funny because every time I looked out to see where he was at, he was sitting in the garage smoking cigarettes. As I’d just quit a little over a month ago I didn’t want to sit in the second hand cigarette smoke, especially as I have a long list of things I need to get done. I wanted to help him, but every time I went out to the trailer he was doing things that don’t only require 1 person but the other is sure to sit there watching as things get sawed or painted. So I waited for him to come ask me where I could put hands on… Like putting the roof on. The times when I apologized for not being there often he said that this is what he expected and that he totally understands. So I’m pretty confused? My brother pointed out that Oryan was maybe hoping to get laid for his work more than have my help, but he hadn’t made that expectation clear, and, even then, I don’t want to trade my body for manual labor. I don’t think that’s fair. It’d make me a prostitute, which, as a career choice, I’ve got nothing against anyone who chooses that path (not being forced!) but I’m not that person, and my drive isn’t on demand, so even if we were dating there are just times I won’t feel very sexual. Like when I’m depressed or distressed or have some other mental health problem going on, and let me tell you, I am struggling in and out of mental fogs.
I’m not mad about his leaving. I’m super frustrated since he left right before attaching the roof? built half a frame for the door and dipped. I spent yesterday trying to figure out where he left off and what exactly I need to buy to get on to the next step. At least 15 feet of wood, some kind of sticky foam roll to put between the roof slats, a new paint roller because the one he said he had was left sticking together. All in all he left a huge amount of trash I was picking up around the trailer. It took him 3 weeks to get to this point where he claimed it was supposed to be an 8 hour work load, but then leaves a single mom of two without a roof to do it by herself, because HE can’t do it by himself. What a man. Thoroughly impressed. I mean, even if I had considered dating him, his wonderful communication skills and oompf towards life really turned me off. I’m so turned off by it that I couldn’t even use sarcasm in that sentence.
So today, I measure the wood I need. I charge my bus battery as it is the only mode of transportation I have to get things I need. Can’t take the kiddos in there as there are no seats installed currently. Yay. Nobody is here to watch them so I guess we can’t get there.
Oh best part of the unfinished project, it rained most through the night. I’m not even tall enough to put a tarp over the roof structure left.
Like WTF. I’m even more convinced that Crikett utilized the handiest excuse to get to stop helping me, as she probably believed I had help getting things done satisfactorily (especially as he opposed her. apparently Crikett’s husband apologized to Oryan about her behavior) She wanted to build it her way and be in charge and got sick of me and therefore picked a thing where she knew I was going to voice my feelings about it to be able to distance herself from me.
So Catie offered her help and I warned her that she may end up like the other two disliking me and abandoning the project. Almost considering scrapping this shit and going on a whole different route. I don’t know anything about framing walls. Neither have I much interest in learning about wood frames. as if I was to build a house I’d build it cob or earth-ship style, not wood framing. Who can afford this wood nonsense?
AAAAH it’s too much to do for one person. I feel like I need to rewash all the stuff and things, maybe it’s really just in my head but I feel bugs in some leggings, and I swear I felt something bite my thigh last night, though I didn’t find a mark this morning. I'[m trying SO hard to get rid of these bugs. Then keep up and further our online presence, feed kids, paint bus and trailer, though I guess with the trailer it’s not worth painting until there’s some weather guarding stuff like a roof on. I get to sort through my family photos and catch up on the albums for since I was 10. Making pancakes for the kids and Nefloofy as my brother’s at work and my mom is doing some kind of conference over this weekend.
Oh and I get to fix the hole I cut into the wood platform in the Bug. I felt pretty pressured to start that even though now I even feel like it was a mistake of a thought. I’m even wondering how I’ll be putting my bed back in…. That’s another set of extreme wood cost.
I’m distressed, but I’m also happy that I don’t have to mentally consider floosies floozing around my life. I mean I break my head about dinner anyway but then trying to be considerate of someone that dislikes vegetables and prefers meat, and is super fickle with when he actually eats. The communication between us really sucked and I don’t know…. I can’t wait for my therapy session tomorrow morning!
Happy fathers’ day y’all.
At this point, I must say that we do run on donations and I greatly appreciate your contributions. Every little bit helps and gets us to explore just a little more of this exciting world. I accept donations via CashApp: $MatildaBugus and paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/matildabugus
If you’d like to peek at our Amazon wishlist follow the link below. We really appreciate those special wants/wishes/deferred needs finding their way to us possibly via your help! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3LUAOP5L0M5FY?ref_=wl_share
We now have merchandise ready for you to order! Represent and support at the same time! We love these shirts and we love you! Check it out!
https://matildabugus.bigcartel.com
Also I started this campaign: https://gofund.me/cbaa9246 I very much hope to get any support. share this link or share some love or something. We need help.
Matilda the Bugus 