Whoa do I have a plethora of things I should’ve probably wrote about sooner. Yesterday it kinda hit me that there would be absolutely no problem if I was to write short blogs and not just long ones where I feel I’m probably missing my own point. But first things first: Good day my lovely human! It’s morning time and POURING. with thunder. Seriously, this is the first real spring I’ve encountered since living in Austria. Spring is supposed to be wet and rainy and last more than a week. It’s more of a mud season in Montana. I’m feeling pretty cozy. The rain might’ve woke us up through the night but that means lazy morning beginnings. Galixy is still mulling in bed, Atreyu is sleeping, and I have this urge for writing.
I wanted to clarify about the title. I’ve made a habit of putting the spot where I’m sitting and writing from as the title. And then this lovely human (back in Asheville) imparted all kinds of knowledge on me I still need to follow up on, but he told me to put a number with it. I’m not gonna start over at 1 after having produced so many in the last couple years. So, if you haven’t figured out what the number is yourself: it’s the date I start writing on, now you’ll really know if it took me a while to get a thing worked or out. quick note: I read an article about what teenagers think about YA novels and it sounded to me like they are mostly annoyed about not being portrayed accurately, so if you’re writing a YAnovel, let a teen edit it, I guess, cause it’s just unrealisitic for an adult to write (right now) a YA novel that will speak to the young adults who’ll be reading it once it gets published.
Ok, ok ok, Here we are. Where were we at? fensomething county in Tennessee traveled into Kentucky. We stopped in Albany at the grocery store and then stayed the night at the truck stop not so far. People kept clustering in groups talking outside Bugus. It was definitely a noisy spot to stay.
From there we drove to Columbia…. Now I feel like A skipped the most beautiful playground with a river and millhouse? It was in like Pall Mall in TN, maybe I wrote about it in the last blog? It had a waterfall the kiddos played in, and also one of those older guys that stops because he likes the bus, then takes me being friendly as an opening to ask where my husband is (annoying question, but I don’t even know how to circumvent that) and then sees it as their duty to lowkey hit on me. If you’re like 20+ years older than me I will not be preliminary flirting and at any rate, I would really appreciate a friendship basis for any future trust I’m sposed to put into a companion especially around my kiddos.
Ok. I was in Columbia! Feeling all over the place today. The people there are super friendly. At first I was approached by this guy that leads AA meetings and has been sober for about 6 years? He invited me to come talk at his meetings as an example of options to living life sober, Spazzy me, neglected. Well, right after that I had a PO visit. Somebody had called to say there was a verbal altercation between a female and male on the bus. I pointed out to him that the only male living on my bus was my 7 year old and we hadn’t had a problem with each other that day. We both kinda laughed about it, but I made sure to ask if it was common that alternative people get called on. He said that yes indeed, it’s a small town and everyone knows everyone, making them a bit nosy. The officer was a nice guy, to me. I do want to point out that by conjecture and thought, what if I had a man on my bus? We would’ve been scrutinized in a variating degree because someone decided to say there was an altercation where there was none. What if that imaginary male presenting human had been dark skinned? I want to just leave it at that because in my mind that’s a way of losing my kids over nothing…..
I certainly didn’t run away from town because I already spoke to the PO and that means that if someone else had called them about us, they’d just wave them off, having already spoken to us and verified that we’re ok to be where we’re at. And the rest of the community was beyond kind! Trent and Rhiannon checked on us a couple times. The sweetest guy (whose name I missed) filled my tank (if you know whom I’m speaking of, feel free to PLEASE tell me!***Nick M haha according to Krista on fb page! Look at that awesome community!) And John came buy and helped out with John stuff (he gave us some tp)
From Columbia, we headed to my friend, Turtle’s place. He lives in a cute cabin on property he shares with his sister including ponds, gardens, and plenty of space for his young daughter to run. Turtles parents live about a mile down the road. I’ve known Turtle since I was pregnant with Galixy. I believe his Mom and I became friends via facebook even before Matilda Bugus. She’s so kind and sweet. As she realized I was getting close to Kentucky she reached out to me to make sure I would know how welcome we are for a visit. Turtle has the kind of parents I aspire to be. They are close and involved with their children. Their kids may be adults and in societies standards supposed to be fending for themselves, but this family is a family and stays a family and no aging out of love and care. It’s so beautiful to see. And feel included on! What a family! A good recharge. Almost felt like I could stay much longer. The kids got itchy feet. I don’t always listen to their feet, but they’re also expecting a larger group of hippies coming through, and I don’t want to be in the way in any way. Though, today I feel like I should’ve waited maybe another 24 hours at the least.
Katie and Soup have baby chickens and baby gardens. Tommy is building a chicken coop. My kiddos were so free to run around the large property and help out with chores. They played with a kid fishing rod, had art time, and a friend to play with. Terrapin is a precotious baby werewolf. All the adults dote on her and her whims. It gave me space to re-realize how one kid takes up an adults time. Having two kiddos I take more freedom to say “no” to their shenanigans (not saying single child families don’t) especially to food shenanigans. I beg, you don’t consider me being judgemental, just observing. I really enjoy seeing differences in all of us, while acknowledging that we still have a lot in common, like the love for our children and wanting what’s best for them.
AAAArgh. They’re so cool and nice! Ruth bought me a waffle iron and we got Terrapin addicted to waffles. Turtle gave Atreyu a Nintendo DS charger since ours has been broken for a couple weeks, so this kid is beyond stoked. Ruth gave so much more than just the waffle iron. I feel so fortunate. Turtle also did my negative battery cable. I just really hope that I was helpful or at least no hindrance. Our goodbyes from them…. They’re so awesome. I’m so awkward. I hope they can feel my love for them through my oddities. If anyone, they would!
I feel so blessed and fortunate with this years people in my life. From Turtle to Turtle and all the coolness in between. I did do a screw up on a friendship in the last weeks and have not been able to find the energy to fix it or communicate about it other than Crikett helping me see how much professional help I probably need. I spoke to a momma with BPD and read the symptoms online of such. I’m not trying to self-diagnose or diagnose at any rate, but my anxieties and fear of abandonment and being alone, as well as my reactions are elucidated by looking at that possibility. I’m not alone, I have my kids and dogs, but friendships and real relationships….. I mean have you seen these walls? Probably not, cause I leave before you can try to touch them. The kindest thing I can do for the people I love and myself would be to seek professional help and not put the burden of therapizing me onto Crikett, though she says she’s always here for me and I know her help comes from a place of love for me. It’s not her job or responsibility to fix me or have to be there for me, and I’m so grateful that there’s a person my walls are understood by and giving me a chance to lower them. It’s not about understanding where they came from, but that they exist, that I’m just another hurt little human trying my best to make the best out of this life not only for my own enjoyment but also for the betterment of hopefully everything and everyone.
It’s been hours now of writing and it’s still thunderstorming out. There is a little Doll museum I would like to take the kids to here, but I also have so many work to do, like finishing this and maybe getting to the youtube video I began editing. *le sigh
I’m grateful to have hurdles and hardships, they help me grow. They give my mind something to work on. Some contrast to all the beauty I also get to experience. It is life afterall, and I’m grateful.
I hope you’ve got something awesome to be grateful for today. I hope you find a smile in your heart to bestow upon another. I hope you have the strength to do what you need to do and the peace of mind to let the things you don’t need to do rest.
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