We’ve been here for the last four days. We drove through Burnet and Marble Falls in a fell swoop after having a laundromat interlude at the last stop. Galixy had a nighttime accident. Way less problematic than Atreyu’s next morning spew. At least it cured his mild tummy upset. Everyone is fine and everything is clean.
…Anyway!! We got here to an empty house and utilized the chance to get the bodies clean without feeling like we’re imposing our presence or obligated to remain in presence while filthy. Then I cooked some potato-broccoli soup while the kids explored all the toys. Atreyu got into a VWbug model made for ages 10+ and had pulled most of the pieces off the plastic molds before I found him. He said he needed help but before he opened it he had thought that it would be easy. I was like “you found a 3D puzzle, containing tiny screws and thought it would be easy?” I felt really bad but my friend, Molly, assured that it was ok and no big deal and to give it a try if we felt like it.
I’m really happy to be here! I’m so happy to get to spend some time with an awesome lady I’ve known since I was wee. I’ve always thought she was too cool for my presence and overthought the summer I went to pester her often while she worked at a shop close to my dad’s place. Her family as a whole is of a super cool vibe variety. Musicians, sporty, goofy, and liked by many. My self-image never let me be anything but awkward in their presence taking forever to let me feel free enough to be human. Internal pressures are so misguiding and ever present. I think I might have anxiety often, where I just feel like I’m running out of time to get something done, while it’s just a farce of an illusion. Obviously, in this life I’ve chosen it can’t be anything but a farce. I have no boss, no time limit. I should be able to breathe through it….
Molly’s kids are with their dad, but her step daughter has been present intermittently, definitely more than the husband whose been working a lot. Selfinvolvedly, I worried that my presence was making him uncomfortable being home, but Molly didn’t need me to ask to explain more of her situation. I feel intrusive asking too many questions and rude for being curious but not asking more. I know it’s all in my head, but while in the situation it’s a definite a struggle and I don’t want or need to put too personal details in my blog. The neighborhood is nice and quiet and Molly’s property is, in my opinion, perfect, though I know my mom would disagree. It’s too cluttered for her taste, but I feel like it looks useful and useable. There are toys, a rope swing, trampoline, instruments, books, games, crafting corner…. a well loved space by all means with comfort and coziness.
On thursday we decorated the yard christmassy which the kids loved and got me motivated to get our mini christmas tree for the bus on our town trip on Friday. We needed propane refill so we went to Marble Falls. I should’ve bought another bag of pita chips.
Molly works every day, pretty much. Understandably as money’s tight for most everyone these days, it makes me wish I had a spare grande to throw her way. Or time commitment and their wish for my presence to offer helping out with their childcare needs for the first two weeks of January. So, hey, if you’re in this area, you could really maybe help out this cool family, or if you’re their family/friends, offer to make a trip down for that time? They could use a couple weeks assistance. Not telling anyone what to do, but offering help is a suggestion.
I’ve been utilizing her absence to inconspicuously clean. Like I don’t want to have people think that I feel obligated to clean, I’m just trying to help out…. but I don’t want to be thanked either… but I do want them to kinda notice so I don’t seem like a freeloader and become unwelcome. It’s a hard mental conversation with myself trying to figure out ways that they may notice a difference, the conversation they may have about it, just to tell myself how unlikely it is that it’ll happen like that and being half grateful that it may go unnoticed and a little worried that it didn’t help in the least…
My service is spotty and I’m waiting for the internet stick to come in. If it didn’t come in today it’ll be here on Monday, but leaving right after the weekend feels silly as spange is best on weekends and why not chill where/if we’re wanted. Galixy did ask if we could stay here as long as we stayed in Montana which shows you how much Galixy likes being here. Atreyu is also enjoying hisself. He especially liked me making Spinach strudel for dinner yesterday. Both kids ate more than usual and that makes me happy. Also, they have a dog that has the same stance as gizzi, which is the dachshund knees. He’s pretty funny and wants to play with gizzi badly. However, he’s not allowed out of the front door and my kids have let him out that door twice now. The first time I tricked him and caught him. Today I ran all over the neighborhood in my bathrobe to the entertainment of the workers down the street.
Today we’re doing a very chill day. I’ve been working on this blog for hours now it seems. I had some breaks talking to Saliha which discombobulated my blogging track (but I’d rather recombobulate than miss the chance to speak to the people I love) and having to get my dream from the night before placed properly into my brain. I definitely found some exterior influences from the setting the resident ghost took me to, to a person I feel a connection to and their hurdles. All in all it was a really pleasant vibe of a dream but had certain elements I needed to organize. Symbolization, metaphor, prognostic, wishful, presented. It’s good to know about this entity, though, as it seems benevolent, but any influence on my dreams throws me for a loop. I may add, I had weird dreams since we’ve gotten here, but it’s nothing disruptive.
I’m going to choose a movie I want to see, and the kids don’t have to abide, they can go play. It’s almost 5 and I did no chores yet. Not that they were assigned, but it’s that internal pressure. Sometimes it’s a good thing. It does help me feed the kids good stuff. I have chosen to watch The Greatest Showman. The kids opted to take a bath, which is a great option in my book. Playing in bubbly water, away from screens, while I’m getting a chance to watch something I’ve wanted to see since the previews were first released, a common occurance. Tonight we’ll eat raviolis with pesto. I’m feeling pretty blessed.
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I hope you’re grateful! I hope you share a smile. I hope you feel loved and appreciated. I hope you know I love you for who you are, the soul or light within you.
Matilda the Bugus 