it’s a cold and rainy day today. The added heater has made me less concerned of impending winter weather and I’m trying to figure out how detrimental this is to our lives. Galixy dejectedly remarked that it means we will not be playing at a playground today. The library here is also closed for the weekend, but maybe we’ll be making it to the laundromat, one of my favorite past times anyway. Not that I like the folding process, but getting the bus a bit more organized as the laundry basket is out of the way. It’s a collapsible basket, so it’s not bothersome until it’s full.
It’s been a very meager week with very little income, though the internet support has made it somewhat bearable. Except the seemingly never ending string of confused messages about what I’m “selling” from my ad and appreciation for my physique and then the spanish which I never learned. That’s frustrating. I wouldn’t even put German as an option on this because I’m an english writer.
On thanksgiving we woke to an empty walmart parking lot and moved to the truck stop, hoping we may get a bit of exposure, or a donation of sort. We got 2 dozen donuts instead. The people were very well meaning, but how tf am I sposed to feed 24 sugar bombs to my two kids? Was that worth the $10 they spent on them? Could they have trusted my judgement of what to get for my kids and given us the monetary donation? Or stopped and asked what we need? Donuts was not on that list. Actually they could’ve looked on this site on our wants and needs list that seems to just keep growing anyway. Please, unless it’s your leftover food, stop giving homeless people specially purchased foods. I have to graciously accept it. I don’t want to hurt the persons feelings because I know they did it out of kindness, but wtf am I sposed to do with 2 boxes of donuts?
On that note, I also don’t need your trash. Someone left 2 old lawnchairs leaning against my bus. Where am I to store those? Am I to pawn them? I still can’t comfortably fit LAWNCHAIRS in my mini school bus with my two kids. It’s kind of the reason I try not to purchase unnecessary things. I’m the kind of person to turn my pennys over and try to squeeze as much goodness out of the dollars we have. I’m more likely to spend our money on museum trips and excursions than things that might benefit Bugus.
One more complaint, if you’re to invite me to come visit you on multiple occasions and then as I approach tell me that I’m to pay a fee to overnight on your property, I’m not sure we’ll be able to make it, no matter how enticing your property may be. I DON’T have money! I’m running on donations and that usually means trying to park places where we may make donations happen more than trying to waste my money on having a place to park for a night. I really love the concept and thoughts of giving people cheap places to park and I get that it ensures legitimate people coming by and also giving them incentive to work efficiently and leave in appropriate times. But if I’m asked to come and stop by, it would be appropriate to reveal the payment thing at the first time of inviting, not close to arrival. I don’t expect to get a free ride through, but I have been working hard for years and seen little to no money flow in.
My living on donations means I’m living far from a glamorous or luxurious life. I’ve had the bus for 4.5 years. It took me 3 years to get running water into it. 3 years to get the propane tank safely mounted to the exterior. 4 years to get electricity via solar. I’m a single mom struggling and simply trying to not let my kids not notice a deficiency. They do notice not having a common life. Atreyu has caught on that our monetary fund isn’t great, but it’s not something I try to broadcast. We’ve survived, almost on the edge of prospering, but honestly I’m still working hard on being able to supply my kids with the basics most people take for granted and that’s why I’m currently frustrated with not having solid income. Tell me all you want that it’s my own fault, but from where I’m sitting I’ve done everything feasibly possible to get some solid income without sacrificing my mental health or my kids education. And I’m trying my best to broadcast this alternative shit to the world when sometimes I just feel like I should hide my face for shame of not just falling in line. And then I remember the line I would be sitting in and exposing my children to and I can’t help myself any further.
We are out of Wichita Falls, aout 80 miles south at the Graham walmart. It’s been pretty consistent rain since 7:30 this morning. The dogs barely wanted to go out. I had audible playing “Frontier Grit” stories of women on the US frontiers while the kids colored some strips of paper and practicing writing their names. Atreyu did it by hisself while Galixy traced the letters. But I felt the need to write, and my phone really doesn’t like doing multiple things at once, which is part of the reason why I’m lagging on the youtube bullsh*. My studio app doesn’t let me get the custom URL and I’m super frustrated about it. I want to paint it on my bus as to make people access it more easily, hopefully getting a step closer to monetization of anything. Even monetization of my blog relies on my signing up to put ads all over this, which I wouldn’t be able to choose which ones and then hope that you reader decide to click on that ad from my page insteead of through facebook or doing your own google search for a product and then I get a few cents per click. YAAY. really $1 from a stranger brings me more relief. I might not check my paypal that often, but that’s my emergency fund, so maybe it’s better not to keep it in mind so much.
I’m done for today. I have nothing beautiful to report. Giving me a bag of fruits and vegetables is way more helpful than a box of donuts. Giving me a giftcard to wherever you prefer is way better than leaving me some lawnchairs. Assuming people asking for help means they’re gonna spend it on drugs or alcohol or whatever you disapprove of is ignorant and inhumane. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I need diesel, propane, TP, papertowels, and an umbrella that isn’t broken. We can use all the educational books and toys. I could use someone to take over our audible payment or the youtube subscription or maybe donate some internet in general so I could show the kids all the educational videos youtube provides. Let them learn the concepts of Gardening and some history. Kids these days really thrive on video representation.
I hope you’re grateful and have reasons to smile cause I certainly don’t feel like I’ve provided any extra reasons in this blog. It can’t always be just my job to make others smile, though I’m certainly trying usually.
May you have sunshine in your heart.
Matilda the Bugus 