Right now: sitting on the hood of the bus, surrounding parking lot west from a day worth of rain. Kids are watching turbo because it’s better than fighting over their new leapfrog toy. It’s almost their bed time but I dont mind them going to bed “late” as long as I get some quiet time and they get their teethers brushed before bed. The cart boys are rattling around the lot and traffic is still a consistent buzz. The sound reminds me of the one night I stayed at my first kiss’s house in Vienna; his parents’ apartment was my first street side sleep, and it seemed relentless and late. The air is humid and getting a little chilly, but that’s better than waking up sweating last night.
Yesterday I spent the morning at the truck stop, drove away fairly dissatisfied for about an hour. Shortly before hitting Tucson, lovely child of mine had to poop. I wont get into detail about that frenzy, but after he decided he didn’t want to be buckled anymore, and screamed the entire way to the playground. Somehow, I always end up at the same play grounds as years previous, and so I recognized the entry and the snug and safe enclosure of lena and Sam park.
Which reminds me, the reason its handy to be snug and safe in Tucson is because I’m not eager to run into Joe. He doesn’t see how harmful his behavior was but instead really feels justified because I “went out of my way to break his heart”. I can’t think of a sadder perspective. A person that only sees others as being deceitful must have a lot of deception in their lives. I look at actions more than words, a thing my step father taught me inadvertently; he covered his lies with money. Short lived luxury. Capitalism! Materialism! Anyway, Joe paypal’d an even $200 to my mom’s account. I feel absolutely uncomfortable thinking about seeing this self absorbed, violent when “justified” (his stories are all “this one person was being an idiot, so shit happened to them” not threatening at the moment, but how malicious does he consider me? I’m just trying to figure out life and keep my family safe) person again. He wants me to mail his speaker to him, but I really dont have the money, and besides, I feel like he has given no emotional room or apology for the time I spent in the desert waiting on him.
I need to let any thoughts of him go now, it makes me feel ucky and anxious. I hope he finds his honesty in his heart and finds some follow through to his words. Reports have found me of other things he’s been involved in… I’m glad my gut was telling me something.
Anyway, the park was lovely and sunny. The boys played for a couple hours, making friends and climbing on things.
I got to speak with Saliha which is always refreshing, but it made me hungry. So after playing dinosaurs and running the bananas out of the boys, I put them in the bus and we ate sandwiches with sprouts.
Galixy fell asleep on our way to the laundromat. The cat has become cocky.
I managed to get most of the laundry done before Galixy woke up, so Atreyu and I got to hang out. He’s such a lover. He could definitely use more loving in his life.
I had promised the boys over a week ago that we would hit a McDonalds play place, so we finally managed to go. We parked next to it, so we could stay as long as we wanted and not worry about driving and finding a parking spot in the dark.
This turned out to be a great thing, because it started raining over night. After a good wake up, we went to play and nibble on some fries. Honestly the game paper kept my attention while the kids were too busy running to eat.
I also took the time to look up a library since it doesn’t look like clearing up any time soon. ( <-intentional tense switch). So off we went to a wonderful library with SO many good books. We whiled away hours lost in stories and alphabets.
I’ll be radical rabble rousing riff raff!
When we came out of the library there was a break in rain so we walked the animals across the street to a park. The boys decided to swing on their bellies. I gave them a couple of pushes running between them cause they were looking opposing ways. I gave Galixy a little bit to much of a push. When he hit the far zenith he tipped a little forward, and as the swing started coming forward, he started flipping. I saw his trajectory being filled with pain and scrambled in split second. I felt like such a ninja crouching just perfectly to grab a hold of his waist, his little head barely avoiding the ground and settling gently in my knee crook. All I could say was, “holy @&^# I’ve got you! I got you! You’re ok. I caught you.” He whimpered a little in shock but absolutely no bumps.
After that incident it started drizzling again so we went back to the bus and headed to walmart where we found the new leap pad alphabet drawing thing for $15. Our pasta dinner was super dank with fresh rosemary from Cassie a while ago and garlic. Lots of clean up still ahead, but that’s the price I pay when all of my day is dedicated to my minions and I chose to write and share. Here one more picture of our lovely dinner. The sun made a late appearance through the clouds before setting. Our cooler is also a table with folding chairs.
Now, the boys passed out before the movie was over, so much for brushing teeth. Twice as good in the morning and mom’s lesson of tooth brushing before night movies.
I definitely feel like my energy was put to good use today. And yesterday wasnt half bad either. I’m still staying braced for febuary, but having a general plan of going to vday, taking Kenny, taking more library time with the kids, and having a fun alphabet drawing toy, is making this feel pretty ok again. The kids just benefit from a separate environment where the main focus are letters and learning.
I really should start compartmentalizing when it comes to these posts. It’s ok to make multiple posts. Maybe it’ll make titling easier and reading and scanning easier. Where is the traveling? Where is the learning? Where are the updates and thoughts. I haven’t figured it out yet, along side connecting this blog to my facebook page, or real marketing.
Loving you
Matilda the Bugus 