Yes, I’ve been slacking on the writing, but if you’ve been following a long for a while, you’ll understand that those are the times of little movement and great enjoyment in the now. Not that the present isn’t generally where I reside. Regardless, here I am to tell you what’s been up. I very much appreciate your patience and welcome (back) to our journey.
When I say little movement I definitely mean in the physical realm across the scope that I’ve lived in the past years. There’s been plenty of movement, learning, growing and seeing things.
First off, I must REPORT the achievement of hitting the yearly home school requirements. We busted that out! I’m so proud of my children’s effort and growth over th last year. My therapist congratulated me on my effort, which caught me a bit off guard, but she explained that I’m the one keeping them on it consistently and that she sees my effort. I definitely feel the focus of accomplishment is on the kids and their achievement, but I’m grateful for the recognition.
We’ve been keeping busy with hiking, climbing, and other exploration, like the Beckley Coal Miners museum….
If you want an honest account of the horrors of a west virginian coal miners life, I highly recommend the tour into an old mine shaft. The tour guide was raised in the culture and candidly makes jokes and teases the kids gently. It’s very exciting! The rebuilt mining town was extraordinary with amazingly knowledgeable and personable staff!
Right next door is the children’s museum which is not to be missed regardless of your age! Please don’t be deterred to check out all the cool interactive art stations, puzzle stations, planetarium, reconstructed pioneer village, and of course the very kind staff!
We had such a blast. When Caleb expressed feeling he missed out, I was eager to say that we’d be more than willing to revisit this spot.
If you haven’t guessed, Caleb is a a big motivator for my lingering in this area. It’s really enjoyable to feel such companionship and closeness reciprocated. Especially after so long of it feeling like trying to build myself a village for the kids and some support for me and hitting walls along the way in the most inconvenient ways. It’s never felt so right before.
And when I say right, I definitely don’t mean easy. But worthy, through and through. We’ve been putting each other through the wringer; and it’s not like we don’t know that the easiest but hardest solution would be for me to move on to fulfill my summer plans with the aim of returning. This has it’s own worries and set backs. We’re both just human beings having had journeys and lessons and trauma.
In the joy of the fresh connection, I half assed the work I’d been doing over the last couple years. The fact that we’ve both had romantic trauma and been alone for so long, it was almost inevitable that there would be some sort of culmination between the two of us, two very loudly opinionated creatures. I’m certainly not proud of the situation itself. It almost broke us. I’m so grateful for patience. Caleb’s patience. He’s done so much work and healing in a spot where I’ve been slowly hacking into. I’m so grateful to have that light shone on my wounds. I have tools. I will grow and heal. By grace and inexplicable draw and deep conversation and kind listening ears, we’re deciding to stick together.
I am thankful. He’s loud crassness really guards a lot of tenderness and love and he’s not been shy about expressing it. The connection and magnetism is tangible. The time he spends with the kids is hard for me to describe…. I’m really trying to put it into adequate words. He interacts so respectfully with them while still roughhousing. He encourages them to climb and exercise. We’re definitely not always on the same page about some things, but he’s been respectful and we’re finding ways to see each others point of view and giving each other gentleness instead of opposition. We both want better for ourselves. and each other. Both at a point of wanting each other in our lives. I’m sincerely hoping to allay his fear of losing focus on his goals by encouraging balance to mitigate injuries. Building a solid foundation towards a cooperative. Towards success in both our endeavors.
I will never claim to be healed because it’s always an ongoing process, but I have some good people in my life and a mighty fine support system. I’ve been determined to be a light. It takes work to keep that light burning. I’ve been determined to make this world just a little bit better, it does start with self and I’m ready to stop digging past the first levels and dig ever deeper to reveal my toxicity and transform it into something healthier. I have a few places I know could use some magnefied tlc. So, if our recent interactions have been distant or cross, you should probably expect me to be working on my feelings about it which will probably result in my composing somesort of letter/connection….
I’mma photo dump here for a moment to decompress. I’m really trying to make my journey as transparent as possible because I think it’s human and honestly living is super joyful, so I’ll continue to candidly portray my interior and exterior life, skirting around our privacy.
AAAH! I forgot that if I last wrote in Maryland, I’d not spoke of going to see the Trans-Allegheny Insane Assylum! What a treat! Seriously, I made like 4 parts on tiktok I’ll be putting together sooooooooon? Very kewl. The kids loved it!
We’ve been enjoying these wonderful trails all around
Swimming at a dammed lake with lots of waves
And most importantly, enjoying climbing
I know I say this a lot, but I’m feeling blessed AF!
I’m literally sitting in the Walmart parking lot, having done some painting on Matilda and gotten ice. I am trying to make up for the low amount of “income” I’ve made basically sitting still. The kids are beyond stoked to have some internet time which has also been sparse. I’m enjoying the sunshine and the amazing people in this area. I don’t know who’s aware of this anymore but part of my journey and exploration is about seeing the colorful variety in this human race. The brightness that alights with a smile. In a moment I’ll play some ukulele to get my daily practice in. So if you see me with a uke, don’t expect greatness, but expect joy!
I’m so grateful for the role you play in this comedy of a life. I’m so grateful you’re partaking in the breathing process and adding your color to the canvas. Grateful for the ways my life is touched by you, even if (especially then?) it hurt in the moment or for longer. We need each other in the little and big ways, so I hope you feel seen and appreciated by me in this very moment.
I would LOVE to hear from you! tell me how our paths touched (“hi” can suffice!) and tell me who’s colored some light into your life, and who some darkness. Tell me whom you’ve affected positively and whom negatively, if you’re comfortable with that level of vulnerable accountability… maybe you wanna journal about it instead of telling me, but I’m curious.
On that note, I must reitterate that we do run mainly on your kind donations and I greatly appreciate your contributions. Every little bit helps and gets us to explore just a little more of this exciting world. I accept donations via CashApp: $MatildaBugus and paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/matildabugus
If you’d like to peek at our Amazon wishlist follow the link below. We really appreciate those special wants/wishes/deferred needs finding their way to us possibly via your help! https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3LUAOP5L0M5FY?ref_=wl_share
We now have merchandise ready for you to order! Represent and support at the same time! We love these shirts and we love you! Check it out!
https://matildabugus.bigcartel.com
CashApp: $Matilda.Bugus
Venmo: available upon request.
Feel more than free to Contact me. You can establish such via the Contact Me page here on the blog, OOOOOOOORRR! get on your facebooks and join the group “Spotting Bugus” or like the Matilda Bugus Page. Also availble on Instagram, Youtube, and the TikToks.
I wish you endless things to be grateful for and may you keep shining your colors brightly.
Matilda the Bugus 