Good day people of the interwebs! I’ve been beyond busy, hauling butt to try and be the show on the road I want to be!
I emptied the trailer and rebuilt Matilda’s interior to house us all again. I sorted through all of our belongings a second time this season. I’ve been cleaning and posting things online (from the jogging stroller I’d still had stored to the trailer and a couple things in between.) I demolished and rebuilt. Wrenched off and replaced the vacuum and fuel pump. Now Matilda won’t start, so my diagnosis is the cracked positive terminal on my primary battery. I acquired the terminal and am working on cutting off the thick battery cables.
We’ve gotten all of our doctors visits and dental procedures done and homeschooling sign up is finished. Galixy got a dental crown and lost her first voluntary baby tooth! Atreyu’s really getting into playing Settlers of Catan with his uncle.
In the chaos of organization, I found a bottle of left over hair dye. I figured the easiest way to get rid of it was to use it. There was enough for me to do my and Galixy’s whole head. Galixy is happy to be twinsies with me.
About a year ago, a friend in Utah gave me some doll heads and I finally “finished” them as an experimental project. I got spiderplant babies from Shelly, which look AMAZING! One even had a leaf already come sprout after just a couple days, so we know the plants are happy in what I’ve started calling my plant bitches. I am hoping to find them good homes! Dunno what I’d ask for monetary compensation for them though. Like $10-20? I also want more doll heads to make more plant bitches. They’re fun!
I have some people coming out to view the trailer which is in such disrepair that people don’t want it. Which means I spent way too much on a piece of sh*te and now I’m lucky if I sell it for the price of the tires I replaced in spring. But it’s nice to have the kids back in the same space as myself, while I’m already knowing how much fun we’ll be having with the smaller space trying to get around each other again.
It was a very peaceful summer staying here with my mom. It’s felt like productive team work giving me some mental space to combobulate. It’s how I’ve previously hoped summers would go. I’m so grateful. Just beyond words. It’s worth more than a billion dollars to me to feel this love and care for us. I do hope I reciprocate it adequately. And if I am lacking, which I generally feel I am anyway, I hope for the kindness of them to tell me so I can find a way to do better, too!
A couple weeks ago, Molly and her kids took us to see the Bumblewood fairy village they’d set up in Bozeman. When I’d first heard of it I was hoping there’d be like Renaissance fair type thing, but the adorable little houses were fun to walk around. Probably because Molly is such good company. I wanna call her easy to be around, but I’m still terribly awkward despite having known her all my life. Maybe it’s just my being me, and honestly I have fun simmering in awkwardness. It’s pulling the funny out of the situation and mentally laughing at myself and my wanting to smack my forehead over and over. On that level, though, awkwardness doesn’t make it not easy to be around her, so I retract the butts all around.
Galixy wants to stay here for her birthday so she can have a party “Just like Gabriel’s” She thought as far as inviting the exact same people to Jumptime, but I can’t invite kids whose names or peoples I don’t even know. And on that level, the minimum of kids for a jumptime party is 10 and I doubt I can find that many willing participants. I figured, weather permitting, doing a playground park birthday with follow up to Jumptime for who wants to join there. While talking about birthday plans, my brother, Nik kept egging them on and last I heard the plans went on to go soak in the Bozeman hot springs after jump time. These kids LOVE big plans. I love their capability of dreams and I fully strive to enable all this birthday extravaganza, but we’ll simply have to see how it goes. Her birthday falls on a friday, so doing a saturday thing doesn’t seem too far off.
That means we’re leaving a lot later than I would want, but it still gives me time to finish my projects and organize.
My dad’s been coming out a lot to help me fiddle with the mechanical projects on my bus. Like there was a serious bolt on the vacuum pump I needed an experienced mind to come figure out. The fuel pump was way easier than Iv anticipated until it came to the fuel line being put back on, so sir father gallantly rode out and helped reattach that. It’s so helpful to have, sometimes just to evaluate.
I’m so grateful for this life and all who grace me with their presence. I’m so grateful to be experiencing life and see how things fall together or fall apart. I’m still scared of what’s to come, but bravery doesn’t exist without fear, and in general I don’t think life exists without fear. It’s one of those feelings to just be accepted sometimes. Even if I’m scared, it doesn’t change what needs to be done to achieve what I might want. Even if I’m not exactly sure what it is precisely I want, but if it’s just the experience of getting there, then I’m already there with the fear, and the gratitude and the frustration, and all this love. I’m already where I want to be, but I do the work for the love of the continuation.
I hope this makes sense to you and I hope you can feel it too.
I’m sending you my smile, might you share it today?
Matilda the Bugus 