Oh yeah, those stripes are a bright red surface with creases of white. I am burned! Maybe that explains how I could lose the shoes I had just bought? I also think my headphones slipped outta my pocket instead of going into the basket with the other things. Galixy got no burn at all and Atreyu has a slight pink tint on his chest, so I really only failed myself. They lost nothing. I lost my dignity, but we had a lot of fun. Just now my morning affirmation told me that I’m well organized so I guess I’ve been slacking fir real.
I am beyond upset about my shoes! I just bought them. Most expensive shoes I bought n a decade at $30. My headphones I lost were $10 cheaper and lived with us for most of last year, so I feel less bad about those. They got use and love and maybe they’ll reappear somewhere in a corner of my round basket, but those shoes I loved so much had less than 24hrs in our life and I was so stoked to not have the straps and soles falling apart on me. I added the exact shoes to our amazon wishlist if you’re wondering what was so pleasing to me: https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3LUAOP5L0M5FY?ref_=wl_share
After swimming we went for a little walk to please the dogs. The park certainly is beautiful. It’s a real shame there isn’t camping there. We drove less than an hour to Brighton bypassing the archeology museum in Ann Arbor I had marked. This morning I was reading a list of weird/quirkiest towns in the US. I was about to start marking things on my maps when the list exited out. I hear people complaining about all them ads on articles as such, but the only reason those bother me is because I’m half suspecting the continuous loading of ads is what makes facebook exit out of it after a certain amount of time. I woulda thought the more time one spends on that article link the more one would find, but I guess that takes away from facebook? Which brings me to another thing. If you want to bury content sad or angry react to it Algorithms and stuff. If you wanna highlight it, love react.
Wow a full paragraph about the peacefulness of this morning just deleted itself? odd. But it’s raining so it seems yesterday was the right day for swimming. The cat’s curled in my lap while the doggos are still in bed with the kids. We’re at Cracker Barrel and my coffee is good.
The last couple weeks have been pretty hard on our donations, then I had my foodstamps cancelled, so I called to reinstate them, they said it would happen but may be pulled or take longer because of some kind of new evaluation they’re doing. Diesel is getting slightly cheaper as we’re going West, though going from 6.15/gallon to the lowest of 5.79 per gallon makes little difference I get that little twist in my stomach thinking about the future. Probably brought on especially by this crazy government.
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There I really gotta say that regardless of whose wing your setting on, you’re sure to be displeased! I’ve had conservative people come up telling me they’re worried about all that’s going on. I’ve had leftist basically mirror their words. We’re all scared and no one is getting what they want. I had either side tell me that things are horrible . I’ve seen the same issue in different context fought from either side and I’m aghast that we can’t just all agree that we’re all individuals and having the options available without fear of repercussion is the way. Nobody can just decide what’s best for one or the other and making it illegal doesn’t stop it. I’m not ust talking abortions, but guns. Yes active shooters are disturbing and very American, but how about we tackle mental health and our corrupt society. I’m not a gun carrier, but I’m also not gonna try and tell people what to do. I’ve had an abortion, but it was a heartbreaking decision I had to make for the sake of the children I already have and to not have to subjugate my life, freedom, and body to a man who lied to me not only about not dropping his baby juices inside of me, but also about not having an STD and then try to treat me like an incubator for his spawn. If you’d want to think of me as easy because of this one person I probably shouldn’t have slept with, let me tell you, I feel better about him than some other human that spent more time coercing me into sex than trying to please me. I’m a strong, independent woman and still not immune to this bullshit. That doesn’t mean that I’ll make anybody else follow in my footsteps or do what I’ve done, or think any other way about anything. Life is hard enough without having the outside yell at you. Maybe it would’ve turned out fine the other way, but it turned out fine this way too.. If we wanna bring God into this conversation, I would say that he may be happy I honored myself and my limits enough to make a decision that was right for me, the person that likes to live on the edge of her limits anyway. No abortion is safe and no birth is safe either anyway.
If you’re wanting to read the process as I processed, here’s the blog entry: https://matildabugus.com/2019/10/19/a-personal-account-of-hardship-and-abortion-dont-read-unless-youre-ready-for-pure-honesty/
Looking back I gotta summarize though that my personal feelings of being trapped, facing more hardship and adversity on my own or putting myself and my children into the hands of someone that not only lied to begin with but also couldn’t follow through on his other words. Yes I could’ve been more responsible, hindsight is 20/20. I do often wonder how things would’ve gone. There;s so many ways it could’ve gone. I have friends with kids who were born around the the time Azarion would’ve. Yes I named it. I fleshed out the image and I made that decision. It hurt, but I’m the one living with it. I’m the animal that was trapped and gnawed off her leg to continue on the path I was already on albeit losing an endless possibility of what if things had gone different. Maybe my faith wasn’t bigger than my fear for what I was handed. Maybe it was placed differently into the strength of my own character and available options to make a decision that I sincerely hope works best for my life.
Put that sentence in another context. Imagine your boss offers you some sort of promotion! It could mean so much good for you and your family, but something about it just feels off and the way you have your life set up is beyond anything you’d already imagined for yourself and, even if, the premise of the new job isn’t unappealing, your new coworker and team leader stands for something you don’t believe in and wants you to bow to his opinion on the matter. Maybe you could? I won’t judge you if you could, and if you want to judge me for turning it down, that’s not on me either.
I think I’ve rattled on enough and made this buffered enough?
Many blessings!
Matilda the Bugus 