Helloo fair beings! Thank you for joining me on this day. I have a lot on my mind and don’t really know how to approach it in writing. I hope those weird dreams I had processed my flailing of yesterday, though Im feeling pretty on edge and not knowing what I’m doing, though I’m doing today better already considering we’re in Nature at water and all before noon.
I’ve been getting up early. I thought I was starting well, cleaning and organizing until the kids were up and had breakfast.
Shortly before noon we were on the road from swansea towards plymouth rock, I thought. It was a hot day, so it didn’t take long for me to reaize the folly of driving mid day. And then it was memorial day and plymouth was soso tightly packed. It really makes me anxious being in tight spaces with big machinery. We pretty much got ourselves stuck trying to get towards a beach that turned out to be for pass holders only. bunches of tries backing out (gate peeps caught a video of our flailing.) I unstuck Matilda and tried a dog park which was so lacking in shade or comfort, we admitted defeat for the time and parked at a semi shaded spot at lowes for a couple hours.
From there we drove another hour and a half to a walmart where there was no overnight parking allowed, so after some more cooling down we drove another half hour to the Cabela’s in Berlin, MA. There we finally rested and chilled. This morning we woke up with everything covered in yellow tree pollen. Which is unimportant but beautiful.
I can’t say that it was the worst day ever but I just felt so unaligned. Like maybe this lovely Erika I met in Rhode Island is right and I’m moving too fast, but I also kind of have a mission of getting to Maine. Exploring can be so hit or miss. If you don’t truly know where you’re going, you might end up having to skip the intended thing. Of course I could’ve been a bit more tenacious about getting there, maybe thrown some money at the problem of parking. done a couple more turns around the area to grab a spot. It’d definitely be helpful to sometimes have a tour guide. Or e better at planning and organizing.
It’s all a bit wishy washy but I also had this thought that some of my programming in my brain has come from oppositional behavior. I learned early that “don’t” isn’t very well received by the subconscious and that doing what I’m specifically told not to is usually more fun than what I’m told to do.
Besides this, consistently opening myself up to other peoples perspective makes it somewhat hard to uphold and maintain my wishy washy boundaries. Like I know that most of my discomfort is gonna be temporary anyway, but I also know that some probably unnecessary discomfort will lead to more mental torture on my part than I want to subjugate myself to, especially when I’m already not in a mentally stable space (a situation last summer comes to mind.) Boundaries are meant to protect us and I know mine can feel wishy washy at times, but it’s probably because I don’t feel like I need to protect myself at all times or in all situations. Sometimes I find showing my vulnerability is more beneficial. Not that I trust very easily. It’s more about reading the energy of the person you’re increasingly giving more trust to and maybe staying emotionally detached from the outcome. Can’t say staying detached is very helpful to building relationships.
I guess I could loop back to the whole journey from Pennsylvania through New York state, Connecticut, Rhode Island to here, but I’m feeling pretty anticlimactic about it.
Maybe a plan illustration of impending future. I’ve got nothing. Going to Maine. Ha. I’ve just been kinda heading in the direction trying to find things that aren’t too far off the path, getting ourselves into a dense area hard to navigate out of while on occasion deciding to avoid Boston for it’s tiny streets and making it immensely harder on myself, but looking back maybe I’ll see it more clearly. I’ve also got this thought in my head that once I make it to Maine and do some camping I’ll be decompressed and maybe have a more clear plan of slow movement. That feels like destination fever. Also I’ve considered heading to Colorado. We have a bit over a month to get to the rainbow, but I also don’t really want to. I’m looking forward to a summer meander.
No real stories. Just lovely pix of my rock climbers. And we visited the woodstock museum and monument. definitely feel every blog deserves some photos. whether they deserve to add a story is variable if they don’t tell enough of their own story.
I do hope y’all are having a great almost summer. Much grateful to you. hope you smile.
Matilda the Bugus 