Here I sit, feeling a little twilight zoned. We’re at an overnight spot at Hi Country gift store. I have yet to explore the store, but the land around is beautiful.
A week ago, we left my mom’s, heading towards a mountain party outside missoula.I figured a little journey with purpose may help me gain funds for Rhea’s impending dental surgery.. We’re honestly not getting much help, but I believe in the good things coming and that her tteeth are a need and therefore something good is gonna happen before that day.
The first couple days after arriving, I felt really awkward and misplaced. I hardly knew anyone and I wandered with the kids, who always seem to have an easier time making friends than I. Making small talk and spange pitches to people when I’m in mode seems easier than when I”m TRYING to build longer or more meaningful connections. I used to be SO flirty, but it’s been so misconstrued by some people, who i thought mattered at that time, that I’ve become really insecure about when I’m being flirty. It’s easy being flirty with someone that’s already flirty with me, even if I have no interest, so that’s also gotten misconstrued this year XD
Out of the inside world and into the external perception. The first night we got to the party, they were still setting up, but once they got the speakers going, there was music and Janee, my brother’s girlfriend started dancing. She loves dancing and I love that she encouraged me. At one point, I confessed how awkward I felt and she told me that she bets she can be more awkward. She’s a wonderful human being.
One of the best parts of this weekend was the freedom the kids got. We let them decide their bed time and both my kids were in bed around dark with minimal effort. There was always someone cooking and feeding people and especially kids. Snacks a plenty and only on the last day did they find sugar and get some indulgence going. It was a good time because they had so many friends to run around with. Anytime one of my kids asked for some screen time, be it movie or tablet, some kid would run up and entice them to go on excursions. Mighty fine time! Only minor injuries of scrapes.
There was a trapeze/silks artist who came in with crew and set up. The performances were amazing, but the most amazing, to me, was the excitement of the kids when they got to play on the hoop! Every chance they got! I played on it lots, too. And huge bubbles that the kids loved to run through and pop covering their whole bodies in soap.
Then, so many beautiful people! I left my phone behind because of lack of service, I really should’ve gotten my camera though. There’s always gonna be some weirdos with big red flags on them, but this crowd was so saturated with awesome people that it was easy to block out the nonsense and bullshit!
I never actually got my flirt on though there were definitely very desirable options, so I’m a bit bummed that I held myself back, but it’s not like these gorgeous humans aren’t around!
A note worthy couple camped close to me. He is a psytrance “DJ” ? He had a set that was so absolutely amazing and flowy that we all rocked out. It flowed super with my brother’s set who played right before him. Total hypnotizing and meszmerizing experience. And she is so open and friendly and genuine! I could chat up a storm with them and being transparent and honest was always they first and easiest go to anyway. We checked out all my rocks, which inspired a cool chick to come check out some stuff and even purchase some souveniers! My neighbor friend played with Galixy and got followed around, which is so amazing to have Galixy attach themselves to someone else for a little while and grace them with energy and love and cuteness.
It’s hard to capture all that happened. I’m in awe of the lovely people and especially ladies there! So much love and unity. There were so many encounters where we could casually discuss the problems we’re all facing and our attempts to break the cycles and dispose of silly competition. We want to have people happy around us. So why do I make it hard on myself sometimes? Because my happiness comes second to everybody elses? Is that why it’s easy to be alone and then get to focus on myself so I’m in nobodies way. It doesn’t actually inconvenience anybody for me to do me. I just sometimes get the impression that it does.
Anyway…. We left Tuesday afternoon. Drove the way up which was so much smoother than the southern way. I want to explore some so I’m taking a route divergent of the interstate. I hope to get to explore a little and showing the kids that Montana is big while hopefully finding some more funding for Rhea. So we took the 200 out of Missoula and past Garnet (I want to explore that ghost town too but maybe that can be our next time through since it is now marked on the map.
So we got up here to Lincoln, a small town, but a good camp before going to Helena. In fact, I’m trying my hardest to finish this up and spew it all out so that we can start going. I still need to hit a grocery store, too.
I really better get off of here and get today going more. It’s about 11 AM and it’s a good time to get moving. The kids have been playing outside for a few hours so a little while of driving down time won’t do them bad.
I really want to quit smoking cigarettes. It’s a very controlling substance and I feel like I’m really sick of being controlled by substances, which would include caffeine, but I love coffee…. and tobacco, so one step at a time if any at all.
So, truly now, stay grateful! I hope you have beautiful and inspiring people in your life! Give them a shoutout below! Let me know who inspires you and what they do!
Loving you!
Matilda the Bugus 