Oh! my luck! I have discovered Bed bugs a plenty! I purchased this “pest destruct” sound thing and hadn’t seen any more bugs. Alas! They’ve just become more sneaky!

This morning was fine. Coffee and getting in tuned to a day of possibilities, sans bus movement. I made some super delicious banana-peach pancakes for my kids. Music and cleaning make my body and mind feel good. Until I found the sneaks! Tears and online outcries commenced.

Having a plan makes me feel better. I have pesky roommates until we get the transmission back in and back to my mom’s. There we will tarp off the bus and bug bomb with the kids safely out. After the bombs dissipitate I will had 3 heaters into tarp-city and blast them till it reaches above 125 degrees and blast and blast for 2 hours. At that point my propane tank will have exploded. Or I’ll remember to take it off in practicality unlike in writing. Regardless, the bed bugs will be no more at that point and the sweet sulphuric smell described to me will be my peace of mind.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just cry and complain, I tore the bed the fuck apart. I used my tea tree oil as holy water as I doused the area. Then I dumped the last of my isopropyl alcohol into my vinegar and water spray bottle and sprayed. I dug a knife into the cracks where I could see. BEDBUG GENOCIDE in Billings.

Did all I could on that front, so as I was speaking to Saliha, I began to notice a “drip drip” sound. Yup, my handpump faucet thing leaks. I knew there was some minor leakage I had to attend to, but this shit will be fun dealings. Currently, a towel is the solution as I need to locate my teflon tape, but it was so hot, today, I didn’t want to climb into the boot of the bug yet.

It IS a good thing that it’s a hot day, for my kids are both coughing terribly. Galixy slept in my bed with me and momma magic helped him feel better this morning. They’ve been running around outside and being exceptional children. Since they’re coughing, I’m rubbing eukalyptus oil on their chests and feeding them colloidal silver and Atreyu’s placenta in globoli form. I tried giving them fever few capsules, but they’re not actually running much temperature at all. But it gave me a chance to explain “placenta” to them and also why they have different forms of it available. Atreyu’s was made into globoli by an apothecary in Austria, whilst Crikett had to come help me process Galixy’s placenta into capsules. That was a super uncomfortable phone call like “hi! I’m disgusted by my own creation but intent on pulling through. Please help!” but she came regardless (I mean she “sat” through his birth! I’m beyond blessed to have a friend like her.)

ANYWAY! I realized that I’ve brainwashed myself. I can say all I want that I don’t ‘need’ a dad for the boys, but deep down I’ve felt like I was wrong since Galixy’s dad left. I’ve been so hurt by this douche that all my focus went to his absence instead of the complete family unit I was so sure of when it was just me and Atreyu on the road. Then Ryan came and filled the ‘father’ void and I pined to feel like a complete unit again. He’s not missing. I’m just broken and picking up the pieces to get back to myself. Would I take him back? a month ago saying “no” still felt like a lie. After all this time and his shennanigans. At this moment, I don’t feel so distant from myself anymore. He himself never actually made me feel good about myself. All the memories, so far off, and I finally see how it was I who made our time happen and feel the way it did. All of this love is still in me. And it’s time to feel it for myself again. I’m allowing myself.

Atreyu’s watching Toy Story. It took them until 4:30 to even think of a movie which makes me proud. Galixy is passed out next to him. Sleeping off his uck. I wonder if he’ll want to sleep through the night or awake in the next hour ready to go go go when it’ll be close to bed time. With how he’s been feeling, my bet is on sleep.

I’m tempted to bust out some arting. DJ said he’d be by in the next hour and he’ll be bringing burritos. Been out of smokes and smokeables all afternoon, but lacked the motivation to go to the store. Tobacco isn’t everything. Very addictive but the music and random mini projects abated me. Tomorrow is another day. The Albertsons is an 18 minute walk from here, which isn’t all that bad. But two sick kids won’t want to go that far during the heat.

Saliha just sent me a picture of her beautiful salad and I can literally smell it’s crispness. But Atreyu says he just wants some bread. And so the dinner dance of my brain commences.

And such is my life on this day. I’m grateful for the cool guys at Hanser’s. They’ve got showers here they offered to us. I used it to dump out and clean our camping toilet (into the toilet not the shower!) They just checked on us before closing. They’re doing extra hours for a truck show coming up.

Well I just tried to move Galixy to bed, but he awoke and resumed watching Toy Story.

I’m grateful for the chance to introspect. I’m grateful for healing. No where near done with this process, but I do feel a little lighter. I’m grateful for the sun shining down so brightly on us today. I much prefer feeling hot to the cold. I’m grateful to the Mama that has been outcast by our group of outcasts who helped with my bug game plan. I’m grateful I refused to judge her as some others did. For anyone who thinks I’m a bad ass as a single traveling mom with two kids, I gotta say she’s doing it with four kids. Our paths aren’t generally the same and there’s a vast difference between our styles, but I hold so much respect for this Mama. It doesn’t matter what others see or think, she’s fighting her fight, which is more than the majority of humanity can say right now, sitting idly by as the US is hosting concentration camps. The world is LITERALLY on fire and about to implode upon humanity, but here we are, writing a blog, and fixing my pollution machine.

Let’s not kid ourselves, my pollution machine has no effect in comparison to the corporate nonsense. Maybe limit corporations before telling regular joes to take non-existent trains.

I shall have to stop before this starts spiralling and I wrap you all in a sense of doom. Some still believe climate change is a conspiracy theory. It’s hard for me to say what is and what isn’t a conspiracy theory anymore because I don’t care about mainstream anything. Do people still believe that 9/11 was alkaida or our own government? What about all the shootings. The conspiracy there is also whitewashed bullshit of distraction. Trust your body on what’s right for you. Read the labels on your food. Stay close to earth and love her.

Love!

Love yourself enough to do what’s good for you!

Loving you!