Today, we are in Santa Rosa and the wind has been blowing hard. It says 35 mph gusts. I won’t drive on the highway if it’s anything over 25. I’ve been looking on maps and weathers and it’s like this all over the near vicinity. There is no immediate escape. I couldn’t sit out by the station with this nonsense and it’s gonna blow some more tomorrow. I feel stuck more than just in rain. My center of gravity is too high. If I didn’t have shelves right below the ceiling, or my water tank at window level, or the bug, things might be different.
So this morning we rose at about 7 at the TA where we had wasted our afternoon cooking instead of utilizing the low wind and getting the fuel we needed. So first thing we did was make pancakes. Atreyu helped with smooshing the banana, spooning some flax and chia seeds, adding maple syrup and pancake mix and then some milk before stirring. He wanted to do some flipping too, but I really didn’t feel safe doing that. We’d need something sturdy for him to stand on and then a gust of wind comes and shakes the bus and he lands head first under the pan in the propane fire. Given this is more of a “Final Destination” horror thought, but I felt valid flipping the pancakes. We will get there.
After the boys had eaten all of their pancakes, we made our way to the laundromat. It’s a quiet but fair sized store. No attendant in sight. I washed our bed things today alongside all our dirty clothes, so I really hope this headache congestion gets out of my system. I can’t believe I still hurt and am still blowing yellow slime out of my neck and nose. It would come out of my ears if it could, I swear. It feels like I have something gnawing stedily on my frontal cortex. Occasionally it wanders out towards my ears, or down to my nostrils. On occasion it even goes as far as my teeth where it feels more like pushing apart and clogging than gnawing, but pretty consistent pressure right above where my nose meets my forehead. Sinusitis is prime, I tell you.
I put our clean laundry away, and dawdled trying to hold out on the wind some. I want to make some fuel and money happen. There is this prime spot at the bottom of the hill of the Loves. We parked there for a solid 5 minutes but the rocking in that spot, with the bit of slant made me super uneasy. I tried to park right next to the loves to get some windshield, but it was no good. I was seriously disconcerned by the consistent wobble and the slosh in my water jug. I satelite viewed my maps and found the spot with an access I had seen from the laundromat. Unfortunately it is Pacific Union private property and I didn’t want to be hastled by police for seeking windshelter anywhere close to the train yard. A trainrider would’ve probably told me that I would’ve been ok in the spot I wanted to be in, but I still didn’t want to chance it, so we drove. The Food Mart seemed like the most viable option. I felt like Police may come to talk to me if I utilized one of the many abandoned businesses and the market’s parking lot is windshaded by its building. There is barely a rock in my bus parked here, but you can tell that the wind is blowing. I went in and purchased a couple of things (very overpriced organic $6 milk). It gave me a chance to speak to the manager who said I was welcome to wait out the wind, even over night if need be. I’m glad he’s letting me park here. I was almost in tears trying to find a spot. The headache isn’t helping. And the kids are watching movies, which is like prime disappointment in my book. A fail of a kid day.
I get to write. Beyond that. I’ve got to think, around my headache. I need to install my battery to charge while driving because, it seems, my bus outlet has stopped working, which means no more charging whilst driving, and only utilization of my poor lil battery. I have the part which’ll enable a healthy circuit. I need another length of wire and some connectors. then we should be ready for some drilling and attaching. Besides that, I haven’t installed the trim on the door yet. After that, I really need to figure out my propane tank bullshit. I want a horizontal tank. I have plenty of room on the bottom to attach it and possible put a metal plate under it, just for safety because I highly doubt I will ever roll over a rock that would be capable of getting anywhere close to near the tank. And the water tank, and once I’m done with that add a leafs and rear brakes are on the list. Maybe I should be doing those before anything. Gotta go into Autozone and drop two fat wads at the least. Maybe I should sit out front of the autozone with a cardboard sign. I’m sure I could come up with 5 things or more that a parts store could supply. Maybe a hobby car benefactor will kindly kick down all the needs inclusive of a one ton lift XD
A couple days ago, Daniel and I had a conversation, where aging came up. He told me in all seriousness, “How crazy it is that women get so GNARLY with age.” I was a little shocked. He’s saying to a woman how we get gross with age. I kinda feel objectified, but that isn’t the point. I had to tell him, No. We don’t. It is our society not giving us any other options. We ourselves see it coming, because we’re told we’re only beautiful for a short time. It’s impressed on us heavily that our youth is desireable while our aging is deplorable. We can’t see it any other way in this society because the “old crone” has been demonized for so long. Why do men get to age with grace and get more attractive? Not all men! I have seen plenty of beautiful older ladies and some very ugly ones. I’ve seen some astoundingly studly older men and a LOT of very grotesque ones. They key difference is how they treat themselves and their own self image. I don’t see wrinkles until they’ve been remarked upon. I don’t see whether you have teeth or not, but if you talk down on yourself I will see it even more so and hear your own judgement about it echoed in my head.
I know how mirrors go. I see all my flaws, I rarely see the entirety of my face when gazing in a reflective glas. I try not to look into the mirror because I’m not looking at what is important. And, yet, I look into the mirror every day.
I want us to reform our own image of aging. I want this society to put more emphasis on teaching healthy habits. I want us to see our elders as more experienced and respect them for their experiences. I want us to live our lives to the fullest and explore ourselves and our environment to the fullest. I want age to become synonymus with “full of perspective”. I want us to remain close to our parents and actually invest our time into giving back to those who gave so much for us. I want communication to be clear and strong of what our elders would like us to do to make their life a little easier (in some cases a little less isolated.) I want to age gracefully, because I know that with age my perspective changes and if I keep taking care of my body (instead of running it on empty all of the time) I can become more beautiful, too.
Loving you.
Matilda the Bugus 