The sickness is never ending. This morning Galixy was the one to be beside himself with a pain in the throat. My head is still woozy, probably from all the screaming Galixy did. I advised him against it because it doesn’t really help, but he insisted.
The wind has quite the chill today and I’m beginning to itch to get out of the desert. Maybe I’m just sick of dealing with sickness, but there’s quite the hint of missing the mountain air.
I did speak with my mom and dad yesterday which led to a dream where my family was present. The dream itself seemed very insignificant situationally, kind of contorted with emphasis on the presences and meanderings.
All of yesterday was spent in a daze taking care of the sick child, trying to heal myself, and clean the bus. I also organized us some wonderful encounters to come. I shared this into a couple groups, which led to my system expanding. So, if you’re new here, Thank you so much for joining us!
I think sick days are important. Days where you realize your humanity and excuse yourself of society and all obligations. I mean, I feel miserable, and uncomfortable. But I’m also taking this excuse to treat and spoil my body to it’s tiniests requests. I don’t want to be in the wind, so I’m hiding in the bus, but got sun shining on my head in the coziest spot. I’m drinking good tea all day, got some soup too! so if I really want that little chocolate, I will eat it! Day 3 of leaving tobacco behind, though! I let myself cry when I was really at the most exasperated about today and the last week. In short, sick days allow for weakness, for some well deserved self pity. My music and writing is making me feel better, though my brain feels tingly and my ears and nose congested. My cheeks are warm and flushed, my throat hurts. I’m easily irritated but little energy to do more than grumble about it.
Oh the way the world looks through these yellow tinted wobble goggles. My every day problems have taken a back seat to getting well.
I want to point out that I have the freedom to sick days only because I take the leisure to not care. I do not have a job I need to notify of being sick or face losing the work load. I do have to let the kids take it easy too, or rely on someone else to help me with them, or power through the things that are necessary for them, like dozing so I can keep awareness on them, or making sure they’ve had enough food and hydration.
I remember feeling miserable and not having the guts to call in sick because I knew I would face silly questions and demands just for calling. It was safer to go in looking like hell and have the manager send you home, which had a possibility of them not caring either. I really hated being part of the “job force” even when it didn’t come to being sick. Before work my stomach would be tied in knots. Special anxiety for being late or even forgetting about work. I still have discomforting dreams about taking a job and the anxiety of rushing to get there on time. Looking in the mirror back then meant biting back tears knowing the next time I’d look at this reflection I’d be right back here but had lost another day. I put up a good show for all the coworkers. A cheerful, helpful, bright Laney gets better raises then the creature crawling out of misery.
I think I held a good twenty jobs over a ten year span. I left more on a good note than I poor. I work hard. All my halfassery is done properly and with much energy expenditure. On that note, I will straight up refuse to take a taxable job. I work enough under the slave drivers I have created and they deserve my time more than any money a taxable job could afford me. I also will not contribute to the corrupted system that this government is. The tiniest amount goes to taking care of the people. The largest amount goes to destroying this world and helping the corporate few succeed. Next you can ask me if I vote, and I will answer you like a true wingnut: Do you think it makes a difference? in this corrupted place of greed?
I believe that humanities inner moral compass is far superior to any industrialized government. I don’t think we can reform this two -headed political system. I’m just waiting patiently on it’s downfall.
I realize that a lot of people are still asleep. I realize that I love conspiracy theories just for the fact that they exist. Does it matter if I believe one, or all? not in the least. It’s still perspective changing. I don’t think it really matters what I believe, because it will be revealed or not. But having the eyes opened upon subjects means I’m sure as hell not gonna miss it if something does happen.
I’d rather be crazy than live a normal life. But I don’t feel like I’m crazy. I just feel like a human.
I gotta make a remark that I’m a little richer today than I was yesterday! Generally doesn’t happen that one sits along the river recouping their strength and *honk* money appears in your fund. I gotta say that that makes me feel very special and grateful.
This world is so beautiful. I hope you have your gratitude goggles on. Thanks for all the colors, from bright to dark and dingy. The shocking ugly things you can’t take your eyes off of, I love those. The breath filling my muccusy lungs. Marijuana being an expectorant. That’s the bomb diddly.
One more hour and I’ll be preparing to expend some energy. I’m more than expectant of a wonderful time, due to the company. As it is in the future, it will be saved for the future.
Loving you!
Matilda the Bugus 