Kid TV is the worst. Poop to snip and slime comes out with a surprise inside. The cartoon had a girl tell a guy “you’re not my type.” The guy replied “God I don’t like you.” Next they kissed. What kind of shows are these?
We’re at a laundromat and nothing got done on my door today. We need electricity for my drill. At this point I just want to get out of tucson. Or be at least not at this level of my gas tank. Solo also just mentioned that each of our schedules are holding the other back. Maybe I spoke too soon in asking if he’d like to travel along with us. But at that point we were both planning on going east. Now he needs to replace his ID and would like us to get cash benefits from Cali.
Now that I’m thinking clearly and have Galixy’s teeth taken care of, I’d rather go to New Mexico first. I want to go to a hot spring and relax for a moment. But I also don’t want to freeze. How long is this polar vortex freeze gonna last? Its horrid and cold. Though, looking at intellicast wundermaps it seems to be receeding from the east, so maybe that’s my sign. If the temperature keeps moving across the map in the consistent pattern it showed over the last 2-3 days, the tip of blue will go away through Albuquerque and that’s along the I40, so about 200 miles North of the I10.
When Solo broached the subject of our impeding each other, he seemed frightful that he would piss me off or make me think he was trying to ditch out on me. Honestly, that seems like a silly thought to me. He tried to buy my tent, but I told him he’s got nothing I want (especially his little bit of money, but his skill at putting this door in he can’t give me flat over anyway). I don’t want his COPD to flair up and make him hurt. point of this paragraph was, that I wouldn’t get mad about him voicing his being human and having thoughts and observing. Observing me being stressed tripping through my bus, cause I just got done doing that.
My thoughts just fly when I put in via keyboard. I almost feel more disjointed, like my thoughts come out so fast that I fly through them as they come and then get lost in the acttual meaning of my paragraph. and then when I fly it out, all of a sudden I’m at a loss as to the generality of it anyway. Where am I going with this and what was the rest of my day about?
At the laundromat the kids watched that awful Cartoon Network newage kid cartoons and two only spanish speaking children came up and tried their best to interact and play with the boys. I think the veggie fries had something to do with it. Looking back, I wish I had just given those kids that bag of chips, but I was thinking about Galixy’s teeth when bringing them out. I could’ve gone on the bus and grab all kinds of snacks to give those kids, but I didn’t want to step on the parents toes either, it was awful close to dinner time andd I know I don’t like my kids snacking in the afternoon if I’m going to be getting them to eat a dinner.
After the laundromat we went to Mcdonalds.Apparently Solo is a fan of getting their coffee, but I really only like going if the kids really didnt do anything on a cold or rainy day. That original feeling of an easy chive has flown away rather quickly, and by none of Solo’s fault. Just my synchronicities. I’m sure he’ll be more than understanding whenever the subject has it’s timing of being broached. Something I’ve learned is to not rush so much anymore. If I feel unsure about a decision or how I feel about something, it’s totally ok for me to say “I don’t know yet.” or just keep quiet on the subject until the placement is natural. There is such a thing as letting the natural moments pass by because of the “uck” feeling confrontations or acknowledgements can create and letting it build up to the point of explosion. With my mom, or me, you can see us pass up those moments when our lips become the thin hardpressed lines. Blam, so side tracked.
where am I now?
I’m in the Safeway parking lot. we dropped Solo off near the bridge with the tracks, cause he feels most comfortable sleeping close to home. yeah, I mean the train yard in his case. Perspective is funny. Just because he hops fearlessly on trains and rides across the country, doesn’t mean his bubble of security is non existent.
The kids are tucked up in bed and sleeping. I have my medicinal music playlist playing while standing at the counter with my little keyboard, phone up on the shelf so it’s eyelevel when I do look up to check the misfingering and impending correction. The cat is curled up in his bed and the dog is waiting for me to take her to bed. I still need to write a grocery list. I really want to do something for me, get cozy and do me. ha. I was thinking along the lines of reading a book or watching a movie wasn’t gonna cut it, but that innuendo… light some candles… I need shelves and candle holders in my bug to get romantic with myself. Now I’m totally misconstruing the picture of me. Sex talk isn’t really my thing, but I think female masturbation needs to be normalized anyway, so I didn’t want to pass up my minor comment.
On that note, I want to make known that my bug bed is purposly a single bed. My small home really has no accomodation for another. If somebody wants space in here, they’d have to work very hard to get it. I’m not saying I’m opposed to being romanced, either. Flirting and evolving is nice, but I just need my time and space and security. The security for my boys. If I get myself emotionally involved with someone it’s bound to affect the boys in one way or another. I want them to be exposed to life. I’m not naive though and they will not be watching me, as their mom, dive headfirst into love just so i can try to remend myself, halfassedly. Last time: Galixy’s dad. Next time: whenever the boys are grown and that decision to play stupid and blind doesn’t affect a mirage of life.
This will have to be the end. I feel like I’m babbling and can’t even remember what I wrote so what will I title this? titling is the worst. The joy of flying fingers. An ode to regular typing. disjointed retellings an extrenuous ramblings? Ho for the typing classes my mom paid for when I was young. it ALMOST enables you to see clearly the mess my thoughts jumble.
loving you!
My little ow-ow eats carrots in lieu of the soft food i offered….
Ps: while putting on my new fancy cashmere sweater, it dawned on me that I completely omitted an encounter with one of my favorite people. Emet found me at the Safeway between the dentist trauma and laundromat while Galixy was napping. She bought us lunch and gave me a kicked down fancy outfit (2 shirts, some nike’s insulated pants, and this amazing cashmere. Not gonna lie, tempted to sleep in it.) Emet is such a lovely person. Her little body has a loud ass voice. She’s one of the few people I’d take to my mom’s ranch without reserve. Definitely deserved a mention ❤
Matilda the Bugus 