A tumultuous night outside

Well imma start out early this morning because I’m not sure how much imma get around. Today is valentines day, so lots of love to your heart. I really dont care if its valentines day. Lots of love to you all on every day, really, but I’ll use the excuse.

My neighbors had a rough beginning to Valentines day, at 4 am, for all of us to be involved. I dont mind personal conflict and I like helping, but not at 4 am when I went to bed at midnight and my kids would be waking me soon. I went out there and asked, “are you a parent?”-“yeah.”-” then start acting like one!” Pick a better time to fight, a better spot, show some maturity regardless of who’s right or wrong. He called me worse than a cop, but honestly, I ain’t getting paid to deal with his shit, and I thought me giving him my patience, time, and sleep (the only real things I have to offer to my kids), showed a certain amount of respect for him. If I didn’t consider him a parent to a lovely child, I would’ve just gone and spoke to mom about kicking such a loser out. But I dont know the whole of their situation. In my opinion, both are human and the situation escalated and it is what it is and felt like a power struggle in the end of “who triggered whom harder” ? I dont like the term triggered anymore, over used

It made me think and lose more sleep. I’m pretty happy being single. Being in a partnership is really hard. And then involve kids, MY kids, forget about it. My goal is to further my kids in life, and adding another person and their power dynamic and struggle is tricky. I know I dont feel sane when emotions get involved. Can I trust anyone to have that same goal? To be able to walk out of a situation feeling powerless, but having done the right thing and hope it will turn out for the better with time.

I dont know, but I felt very insulted when dude busted out about “bullshit rainbow ways” and “it’s all cause I have a penis.” Nah, dude, my way isnt influenced by rainbow and your genitalia makes little difference when a situation gets exacerbated by your yelling. Waking up kids and perpetuating more yelling. I’m sure whatever went down sucked for this guy, and I would’ve really liked to show him some compassion, but I’m not feeling much of it.

Now it’s raining and probably will be for a minute. I dreamt that it rained so much it flooded a town. The bus was tire deep, people trudging thigh deep through rain. The walmart became an emergency shelter and I kept hustling to try and pack up random things. Glad that was only a dream.

Hoping today goes smooth.