May your faith be greater than your fears

Right now I’m sitting on e 18th street. I have a bowl of kitten food outside the bus and am creeping out of my window to see if our delinquent kitten returns. I thought he had jumped out in the evening at Garland’s. I could’ve sworn I saw him run out of the bus there. But today at the laundromat, this lady comes up and asks if i lost a cat. I knew she had seen him. She said he hopped out of the bus at the grocery store and right into her van. She put him in a tree in the neighborhood I’m now sitting in. The dogs in the yard are not pleased about our presence. I’m tempted to wait here until the chikkie reappears and then he’ll be on strict house arrest. I’ve been worried and exasperated about him. What a stupid cat. *grumble*

If you’re following along from my facebook page and wondering where I was in the right place at the right time, here the probably anticlimactic resolution: this beautiful lady with the vibe of a 30 year old came up to tell me that I was living the life she wished she lived. I generally encourage others to find their way out of their box, but her situation is more intricate. But, as many do, she already had a thought for herself she’d discarded for fears. I have faith that my existence has restored some faith in her. I cant think of a more beautiful thing to spread besides smiles.

I just had this wonderful vision of myself being human in a park, sitting on a bench conversating, without children too close. I had tons of gray in my hair and a wide smile on my face, enjoying the sun, the trees, and the fellow humans. It’s not like I dont feel as free and happy now as I do in this future representation of myself. It felt more like a realization of I’ve dont this before and I’m gonna do it again. This lifetime and otherwise, I feel very confident of the steps surrounding me. Bad days come and go. They are meant to be endured. We have this one life right now and I’ll be damned if I dont enjoy it to a million pieces and tell others to try the same. We have more freedom than we realize. Sometimes its the freedom in ourselves to be bothersome to another human (possibly) and meet someone new or be included in something new. Sometimes it’s the sheer fear or external pressure to just stay in line. None of those boundaries are real. Whether it’s about eating cake for breakfast or a peanut butter m&m sandwich, or living in mini school bus with two children.

True, there may always be people who try and poop on your fun, but consider their perspective. What do they fear? What does your action say about them or to them? It’s probably not about you, but emotions are hard. Looking objectively is so hard, but its possible.

We just had quite the park adventure and then spent pretty much the last of our money on groceries. Time to be less picky about food or get our income more reliable.