One thing after another. And all little trifles but when the pasta sauce turned out moldy, I cried. And cried again when the pee jug spilled. At least there was enough noodles to feed the kids. I just want today to be over. I’m so done with this cold wet day, ready for my mini pizza’s to do some soul comforting. I’m making them in the pan instead of my oven, because it’s less hastle.
That misogynistic attack on facebook seems to have really been total asshole moves. I guess their alcohol impaired memory made them connect me to somebody else. Their memories of our destinations is completely skewed. The one thing one got right was that he helped me put a fiberglass window in my back door, but he made it seem like he “fixed my shit” as if installing a fiberglass pane into a rubber and then setting the rubber into that frame needs to seem like he repaired a part in my engine. Regardless, I’ve been feeling like it’s a wave of drama after another and I’m gonna put my phone down about it. As in, I’m gonna abstain from social media and telefon after finishing this for at least all of tomorrow. My head hurts, minus migraine symptoms thank God.
These pizzas are the grossest. I guess imma find myself something less disgusting to fill my gullet hole. Galixy is now in my arm pit says “I love you too”. I hardly write without a million interruptions. Sometimes it takes me hours to get all my thoughts out. Especially typing on this phone.
Since there’s been a lot of “man hate” talk, I want to open up a bit about my experience with a lot of random men and what I read out of their communications and actions. I confidently say that I’m a fairly attractive lady which I see as a detriment. I do not appreciate being fuckzoned immediately. I make a lot of friendly connections but very rarely something I will see as a romantic inclination. However, more often than not, men immediately go on the flirt attack, as if all they see is a pretty momma alone, so obviously she needs a man in her life to take care of her. Newsflash: I’m not a premade family you can just adopt and have the regular expected marriage relationship with right off the bat. I’m not that naive anymore. Also, anytime I let someone in as a rider or helper or interest, I get worn down by doing more with them around. And totally more inconvenient.
If someone was to come into my life, I may recognize the feeling, but I still want to actually appreciate their presence, not their future potential to me. I want to get to know the person and fall in love with every part of them without them making the expectation that anything has to come of it because love is special and only in the now.
Until I find it, I’ll totally “settle” for sharing smiles. I’m gonna keep standing up for what I believe is right. I’m gonna keep learning. I’m gonna admit when I’m wrong.
I’m grateful for my children. I’m grateful for this bugus. I’m grateful for my animals. I’m grateful for Galixy hugs and cheeks. I’m grateful for Atreyu smiles. I’m grateful for the hard times because they ensure good times to be enjoyed all the more. I’m grateful to be living my life. I’m grateful for the tears I can shed.
Indeed it is time to turn off this phone and enjoy my destructive little cuddlers. They can use all the love they can get.
Matilda the Bugus 